What I WON'T miss about Italy (post #1)

After getting all misty-eyed over the things I'll miss, it's only fair that I show you what I WON'T miss about life in Italy. Take a look at the photo below. Can you figure out what's going on here?


It might be difficult to see behind the reflection on the windshields, but there aren't any drivers in these cars. They're parked. Note the car all the way on the left, and the car behind it. These cars are parked legally, next to the curb. Fine.

Now look at the middle car up front--the Mercedes. That parking position is what Italians call in seconda, which means it's parked in the second parallel position next to the curb. It's illegal, but you probably won't get a ticket as long as you keep your eye on your car, ready to move it at a moment's notice. This parking technique is often used when Italians dash into a bar to get a coffee.

Look closely and you'll see another car behind the Mercedes. If anyone on the inside wants to get out, all they have to do is lean on their horn, and the owner of the cars in seconda will materialize and move their cars. Or the seconda drivers might leave their cell phone numbers scribbled on a piece of paper left on the dashboard for you to call and tell them to get their cars out of the way.

Now enter our car. The blue one all the way on the right. We went to the beach on this day, and there was no spot in sight. Not even in seconda. So my husband invented a place--in terza, I suppose you could call it. It's literally right in the middle of the road. But it's the perfect spot--we're not blocking anyone in, and there's room for other cars to get by. Illegal? Schmillegal.

I must admit, parking in the middle of the road would have never occurred to me. I've parked on sidewalks, mind you, and in the occasional bus lane. But this time, I would have driven right by this prime parking spot, muttering that all the spaces were filled.

While I admire the Italians for their parking prowess, I yearn for the wide spaces in the Target parking lot. I used to lament when the only free space at the mall on the morning of December 24 was all the way at the end, a kilometer away from the nearest entrance. Now? I'll never curse another American parking lot again.

I thought I'd seen it all...

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I really thought I'd seen all Italian parking options. Turns out I hadn't.

Yesterday I spotted this tiny Fiat 500 parked...on a crosswalk. It's hard to see because it's an evening shot, but there are actually two crosswalks perpendicular to each other. And the driver decided to leave his car in the middle of one of them.

While I stood there on the sidewalk, two police cars drove by. And no, they didn't even slow down. Maybe they were late for their coffee break...

Parking on the sidewalk...

Italians are creative--there's no doubt about it. Just look at the number of famous Italian artists, from Michelangelo to Botticelli to Da Vinci. So it's no wonder that such an auspicious gene pool breeds creativity. And nowhere is this creative streak more apparent than in the modern Italian art form of...

parking.

Here's a photo of the front of the bar I showed you in my last post. Let's pretend you're an Italian in need of a cappucino. You're in your car. What do you do?

1. Head toward the nearest bar (cafè).
2. Scout out a free parking space (cue theme song from "Mission Impossible.")
3. Drive past the bar. (Theme song intensifies).
4. Realize the folly of trying to find a free parking space.
5. Turn the car around.
6. Pull up on the sidewalk right in front of the bar (avoiding any pedestrians and women with strollers, if possible).
7. Go inside, order your tiny cappucino, and down it in one gulp.
8. Head back to your car.


Note: If there were a police car outside the bar, you would proceed in exactly the same manner, except you'd put on your hazard lights--which roughly translates as: "I know I'm parked illegally, but I promise I'll be right back. Really. As soon as I drink my coffee." Then you belly up to the bar next to the policemen drinking their coffee.

Mission accomplished.

Smart (?) cars

When we moved to Italy 3 years ago, we had our mini van shipped (note: our mini van is not the car pictured on the right).

In Italy, there's nothing mini about our van...in fact, "mammoth van" would be a more accurate term. It doesn't fit into parking spots. Well, it does...as long as no one is parked on either side of you. (And if that's the case, you can't open your doors, so your exiting options are limited to the rear gate).

Italians love cars like the smart car shown in the photo here. And yes, it is officially called the smart car, written in lower case...even the letters are small. It's built for two people, and if you were sitting in the front (only) seats, you could actually reach back and touch the rear window.

So what's so smart about this car?

1. It's great on fuel economy...and gas here is more than twice the price in America, believe it or not.

2. Parking...you might notice the white lines in the photo, and note the fact that this car is only taking up roughly half its allotted space. I love parking behind these cars.

3. Parking...again. I wish I had a photo to illustrate this, but these cars can actually parallel park sideways--with the nose facing the curb and the rear end facing the traffic. Can we call this perpendicular parking?

What's not so smart about these cars?

1. They're driven in Italy.
2. Where Italians drive (see yesterday's post).
3. Yikes.

My behemoth van may not be cute. Or sleek. Or sporty. But it beats driving in a tin can. As long as I keep driving in circles and don't actually need to park...